While we were planning our move to a retirement community, my wife died. I don’t want to stay in my home but am not sure if I want to live in a community now. Any advice?
Don

Dear Don,
You don’t say how old you are which is a huge factor in making this decision. If you are in your late sixties or early seventies then making an interim move is probably a good idea. If you are older, then I would strongly suggest you move to the community. I would wait for a little while to do anything so you can get back on your feet emotionally and physically. Living in a communal situation would be a wonderful change, with support of all kinds at your fingertips.

My mother and father have decided to move to a retirement community but my Dad is dragging his feet. In the meantime my mother’s health has declined. My father is caring for her and it’s just too much for him. His health is now compromised. What can I do? PS I live across the country.  Shirley

Dear Shirley,
You are certainly in a tough situation. This is an often seen scenario where the stronger becomes the weaker from all the responsibility. Talk to the community. They may have someone who can talk to your parents and walk them through the process. Take time off if you can to see them and try and come up with a plan that will help them get through this. If there is a senior transition expert in the area, this could be a great help to both you and your parents. If you can get your Dad to open up, having a dialogue about what’s going on with him would defuse the situation. He doesn’t want to appear weak and unable to care for your mother or organize the move.

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